forever is the sweetest con (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
delacourtings) wrote2023-01-05 05:35 am
delacourtings) wrote2023-01-05 05:35 am
Entry tags:
[layla's life] where i've been | pt ii
A continuation of this post.
Naturally, after losing Marley, we spoiled and doted on our other dog, a 15 year old Blue Heeler named Juliet, even more that we already had - and she had always the been the most spoiled one. Part of the reason we did so was because she clearly was taking Marley's death so hard. We got Juliet in 2011 and like Marley, she had clearly been abused, though her scars weren't physical. These two grew up together, side by side, even more so after their brother Harry's unexpected passing in 2019. Juliet started developing glaucoma years and years ago and progressively lost more and more of her sight. She was as blind as a bat by the end and still healthy as a horse. Or so we thought. Like Marley, New Vet, said she fully expected to see Juliet back in June 2022 for her next annual checkup. She prescribed her Lasix for fluid buildup but again, the vet confidently told us she fully expected to see her back next year.
After Marley passed, we made an appoint with another local vet (a different one than the one that put Marley to sleep, they didn't have any openings), for the following Friday. On Tuesday, Juliet had her standard grooming appointment but we noticed when she got back that she had been panting since she returned. My mom thought maybecu the trip had worn her out because she hadn't been moving very much since Marley died. She'd been grieving him just like we had, perhaps even harder. That seemed to be the only thing wrong though, she was still eating and drinking. My sister had gotten some new wet dog food and she was chowing it down. My mom called the vet's office and asked if we needed to bring in her in and they said since she still eating and drinking and the panting was the only thing wrong, it was fine to wait until her appointment on Friday. Then on Thursday night, things took a turn.
I worked Tuesday and Thursday nights then (I now work Mon-Thu nights which is another reason for my absence) and while I was driving my mom told me Juliet hadn't been eating or drinking. She never drank that much but if there was one thing that girl loved, it was food. My dad called me about something and happened to ask if anyone was home because he needed to put a smoothie in a freezer (I don't know. That's dads for you, I guess.) He also had some leftover chicken and fries and my mom didn't want it so I told him to give it to Juliet. Like I said, Juliet LOVED food. Especially human food. (We always joked she was our little vegetarian dog because loved all the foods I eat as a vegan with dairy and gluten allergies - potato and sweet potato skins, tofu, green beans, Amy's specialty gluten-free, dairy free mac and cheese. This girl held the record for clearing a plate of green beans.) After my dad left, my mom sent the both of us a text saying "Girl's over here acting like she may not see tomorrow but when I broke that chicken up for her it's suddenly on like Donkey Kong!!" When I replied, "Mom!," she said she realized that was a bad joke as soon as she sent it. But we were just happy she was eating.
Later that night, when I got home from work, we put a bowl of water beside Juliet's bed. We tried to coax her to drink it but she wouldn't. But her breathing had changed - it didn't sound as bad. My mom and sister thought this was a good sign but the vet would soon tell us that it actually wasn't. After my mom and sister had gone to their bedrooms, I stayed up all night with Juliet in the living room. At one point she got up and drank the entire bowl of water. My sister briefly came in at one point and refilled the water bowl and Juliet drank almost all of that one too. We were just happy to see her drinking at that point.
She'd been lying on her bed for majority of the day but she got up and almost immediately plopped down onto the floor on her stomach with her front legs out in front of her and her back legs behind her. She laid down like this pretty regularly so that wasn't that much of a concern but the plopping worried us, as that was more Marley's thing. I barely got any sleep that night. I kept looking to make sure she was still breathing. I was terrified I'd go to sleep and wake up to her no longer being there.
Her appointment was at 10:00 the next morning. I had to help my mom wrap her in a blanket and carry her out like she was in a BabyBjörn. Even though she was a lapdog, Juliet HATED being picked up. My mom had planned on just walking her out to the car but when she called her, Juliet only made it halfway across the living room before she just kind of...collapsed.
By 11:35, my mom had called me and I was on my way to the vet's office to say goodbye. The vet basically said that Juliet's heart was giving out. The change in breathing my mom and sister had thought was a good sign actually meant the heart wasn't fighting to keep the blood pumping anymore, or something to that effect. The reason she kept lying with her legs splayed out was because it was the only position that was comfortable to her. And the reason she hadn't been able to walk to my mom was because blood was no longer being pumped to her legs. The vet and all of the staff at this office were all so incredibly kind. They told us that the Lasix she'd been on had probably given us another year with her. And that we were extra lucky because usually after 6 months of treatment, the Lasix starts affecting their kidneys but it hadn't happened with Julie. The vet also told us that Juliet had been fighting to stay with us but once her brother Marley died, she just kind of...gave up. She said that maybe if Juliet hadn't been so depressed, maybe, she might could've lived a little longer, you never know, but...
Me and my mom stayed on the floor with her, saying goodbye. The vet and nurse even got down on the floor too, to give her the sedative, but couldn't get it in at the right angle so we picked her up and put her on the table. They gave her the sedative but like Marley, she probably wouldn't have even needed it in another 5 or 10 minutes.
They asked if we wanted to say a prayer or we if wanted them to, and we said sure, even though we aren't particularly religious, and the vet said a really lovely one. They told us to take as long as we needed to say goodbye, despite clearly being very busy.
The blanket had taken her in was, The Blanket, Marley's Blanket, and the nurse said that she would wash it and we could come back by to pick it up. Everyone was so wonderful. Even as we were settling up at the front desk, the receptionist was saying how she was Juliet come in and how cute she was and how she could tell she was a good one. At the front desk they had one of those fake taper candles that said "When this candle is lit, a family is saying their goodbyes. Please be quiet and respectful." My mom later told me that they actually have an entire separate room with a couch and amenities for saying goodbye to loved ones but they were so busy that day and it was occupied. So instead they let us take up one of their exam rooms for 3 hours. It was probably the best and most peaceful goodbye we could've given her.
It still feels so empty without her. Without him. I'd just bought Juliet a new bed because the old one had been ruined that day with Marley. My sister's best friend had gotten us goodies from a bakery, including dog treats for Juliet. She didn't even get to eat them all. I keep thinking I hear Marley whining to be let back inside or sighing at nothing. I keep thinking Juliet's under my chair or I go to call her whenever I drop a piece of food in the kitchen. It still just hurts so much. I hate not having a pet in the house.
My sister (the one at college 3 hours away) and her roommate basically share custody of an ESA named Winston. (Though he's really technically the roommate's dog.) We kept him back when they first found him while they were to get ESA paperwork approved so he could live in their dorm so he visits sometimes and we keep him when needed and that helps but still. It's just been so quiet and empty since they've been gone.
I originally started writing this post toward the end of June but had to stop because I kept crying while writing it. It still felt too fresh and hurt to much to relive it. I'm still hearing the same phantoms I was back in June, just a few hours ago I thought I heard the cute little growl Marley did when he heard something he didn't like the sound of outside. But the pain and heartbreak isn't as fresh now, though sometimes I still get these feelings of staggering sadness when I think about them not being here anymore.
But, yeah. The unexpected loss of both my dogs, plus a few other factors like: my work schedule going from Tuesday and Thursday nights to Monday-Thursday nights, a sudden and contentious separation and pending divorce between my dad and stepmom, my usual depression/anxiety/OCD and chronic illness, and my Chromebook being so old decrepit that I got a notification saying "This is the last automatic software and security update for this Chromebook. To get future updates, upgrade to a newer model." and me not currently having the means to replace mean I let everything (writing, reading,posting) fall by the wayside. I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things, probably starting with a spam post full of pictures and anecdotes about Juliet and Marley and Harry soon but in the meantime, here's a few pics of my babies, may they rest in peace.♡
Naturally, after losing Marley, we spoiled and doted on our other dog, a 15 year old Blue Heeler named Juliet, even more that we already had - and she had always the been the most spoiled one. Part of the reason we did so was because she clearly was taking Marley's death so hard. We got Juliet in 2011 and like Marley, she had clearly been abused, though her scars weren't physical. These two grew up together, side by side, even more so after their brother Harry's unexpected passing in 2019. Juliet started developing glaucoma years and years ago and progressively lost more and more of her sight. She was as blind as a bat by the end and still healthy as a horse. Or so we thought. Like Marley, New Vet, said she fully expected to see Juliet back in June 2022 for her next annual checkup. She prescribed her Lasix for fluid buildup but again, the vet confidently told us she fully expected to see her back next year.
After Marley passed, we made an appoint with another local vet (a different one than the one that put Marley to sleep, they didn't have any openings), for the following Friday. On Tuesday, Juliet had her standard grooming appointment but we noticed when she got back that she had been panting since she returned. My mom thought maybecu the trip had worn her out because she hadn't been moving very much since Marley died. She'd been grieving him just like we had, perhaps even harder. That seemed to be the only thing wrong though, she was still eating and drinking. My sister had gotten some new wet dog food and she was chowing it down. My mom called the vet's office and asked if we needed to bring in her in and they said since she still eating and drinking and the panting was the only thing wrong, it was fine to wait until her appointment on Friday. Then on Thursday night, things took a turn.
I worked Tuesday and Thursday nights then (I now work Mon-Thu nights which is another reason for my absence) and while I was driving my mom told me Juliet hadn't been eating or drinking. She never drank that much but if there was one thing that girl loved, it was food. My dad called me about something and happened to ask if anyone was home because he needed to put a smoothie in a freezer (I don't know. That's dads for you, I guess.) He also had some leftover chicken and fries and my mom didn't want it so I told him to give it to Juliet. Like I said, Juliet LOVED food. Especially human food. (We always joked she was our little vegetarian dog because loved all the foods I eat as a vegan with dairy and gluten allergies - potato and sweet potato skins, tofu, green beans, Amy's specialty gluten-free, dairy free mac and cheese. This girl held the record for clearing a plate of green beans.) After my dad left, my mom sent the both of us a text saying "Girl's over here acting like she may not see tomorrow but when I broke that chicken up for her it's suddenly on like Donkey Kong!!" When I replied, "Mom!," she said she realized that was a bad joke as soon as she sent it. But we were just happy she was eating.
Later that night, when I got home from work, we put a bowl of water beside Juliet's bed. We tried to coax her to drink it but she wouldn't. But her breathing had changed - it didn't sound as bad. My mom and sister thought this was a good sign but the vet would soon tell us that it actually wasn't. After my mom and sister had gone to their bedrooms, I stayed up all night with Juliet in the living room. At one point she got up and drank the entire bowl of water. My sister briefly came in at one point and refilled the water bowl and Juliet drank almost all of that one too. We were just happy to see her drinking at that point.
She'd been lying on her bed for majority of the day but she got up and almost immediately plopped down onto the floor on her stomach with her front legs out in front of her and her back legs behind her. She laid down like this pretty regularly so that wasn't that much of a concern but the plopping worried us, as that was more Marley's thing. I barely got any sleep that night. I kept looking to make sure she was still breathing. I was terrified I'd go to sleep and wake up to her no longer being there.
Her appointment was at 10:00 the next morning. I had to help my mom wrap her in a blanket and carry her out like she was in a BabyBjörn. Even though she was a lapdog, Juliet HATED being picked up. My mom had planned on just walking her out to the car but when she called her, Juliet only made it halfway across the living room before she just kind of...collapsed.
By 11:35, my mom had called me and I was on my way to the vet's office to say goodbye. The vet basically said that Juliet's heart was giving out. The change in breathing my mom and sister had thought was a good sign actually meant the heart wasn't fighting to keep the blood pumping anymore, or something to that effect. The reason she kept lying with her legs splayed out was because it was the only position that was comfortable to her. And the reason she hadn't been able to walk to my mom was because blood was no longer being pumped to her legs. The vet and all of the staff at this office were all so incredibly kind. They told us that the Lasix she'd been on had probably given us another year with her. And that we were extra lucky because usually after 6 months of treatment, the Lasix starts affecting their kidneys but it hadn't happened with Julie. The vet also told us that Juliet had been fighting to stay with us but once her brother Marley died, she just kind of...gave up. She said that maybe if Juliet hadn't been so depressed, maybe, she might could've lived a little longer, you never know, but...
Me and my mom stayed on the floor with her, saying goodbye. The vet and nurse even got down on the floor too, to give her the sedative, but couldn't get it in at the right angle so we picked her up and put her on the table. They gave her the sedative but like Marley, she probably wouldn't have even needed it in another 5 or 10 minutes.
They asked if we wanted to say a prayer or we if wanted them to, and we said sure, even though we aren't particularly religious, and the vet said a really lovely one. They told us to take as long as we needed to say goodbye, despite clearly being very busy.
The blanket had taken her in was, The Blanket, Marley's Blanket, and the nurse said that she would wash it and we could come back by to pick it up. Everyone was so wonderful. Even as we were settling up at the front desk, the receptionist was saying how she was Juliet come in and how cute she was and how she could tell she was a good one. At the front desk they had one of those fake taper candles that said "When this candle is lit, a family is saying their goodbyes. Please be quiet and respectful." My mom later told me that they actually have an entire separate room with a couch and amenities for saying goodbye to loved ones but they were so busy that day and it was occupied. So instead they let us take up one of their exam rooms for 3 hours. It was probably the best and most peaceful goodbye we could've given her.
It still feels so empty without her. Without him. I'd just bought Juliet a new bed because the old one had been ruined that day with Marley. My sister's best friend had gotten us goodies from a bakery, including dog treats for Juliet. She didn't even get to eat them all. I keep thinking I hear Marley whining to be let back inside or sighing at nothing. I keep thinking Juliet's under my chair or I go to call her whenever I drop a piece of food in the kitchen. It still just hurts so much. I hate not having a pet in the house.
My sister (the one at college 3 hours away) and her roommate basically share custody of an ESA named Winston. (Though he's really technically the roommate's dog.) We kept him back when they first found him while they were to get ESA paperwork approved so he could live in their dorm so he visits sometimes and we keep him when needed and that helps but still. It's just been so quiet and empty since they've been gone.
I originally started writing this post toward the end of June but had to stop because I kept crying while writing it. It still felt too fresh and hurt to much to relive it. I'm still hearing the same phantoms I was back in June, just a few hours ago I thought I heard the cute little growl Marley did when he heard something he didn't like the sound of outside. But the pain and heartbreak isn't as fresh now, though sometimes I still get these feelings of staggering sadness when I think about them not being here anymore.
But, yeah. The unexpected loss of both my dogs, plus a few other factors like: my work schedule going from Tuesday and Thursday nights to Monday-Thursday nights, a sudden and contentious separation and pending divorce between my dad and stepmom, my usual depression/anxiety/OCD and chronic illness, and my Chromebook being so old decrepit that I got a notification saying "This is the last automatic software and security update for this Chromebook. To get future updates, upgrade to a newer model." and me not currently having the means to replace mean I let everything (writing, reading,posting) fall by the wayside. I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things, probably starting with a spam post full of pictures and anecdotes about Juliet and Marley and Harry soon but in the meantime, here's a few pics of my babies, may they rest in peace.♡